tonight

9:22:52 PM Westleigh: hi
9:22:58 PM Tyler Norton: hey
9:23:16 PM Westleigh: whats up
9:23:21 PM Tyler Norton: not much
9:23:24 PM Tyler Norton: you?
9:23:43 PM Westleigh: eh not much..wasted my life today
9:23:58 PM Tyler Norton: yeah i guess i did too
9:24:06 PM Tyler Norton: why did you waste yours
9:25:17 PM Westleigh: idk..i like woke up passed out infront of the computer and thats just how the day went
9:25:31 PM Tyler Norton: not bad not bad
9:25:44 PM Westleigh: but i didnt sleep
9:26:33 PM Westleigh: so like i just sat and stared
9:26:43 PM Tyler Norton: how come you didnt sleep
9:26:55 PM Westleigh: idk..i like wasnt tired
9:27:51 PM Tyler Norton: fair enough i guess
9:30:04 PM Westleigh: i guess
9:31:24 PM Westleigh: hows the arm
9:31:35 PM Tyler Norton: eh, its still on my shoulder
9:31:39 PM Tyler Norton: good not great
9:31:46 PM Tyler Norton: ill be fine by the weekend
9:33:55 PM Westleigh: well thats good
9:36:07 PM Tyler Norton: sorry im not talking much
9:38:24 PM Westleigh: dont be sorry
9:38:27 PM Westleigh: its fine
9:39:05 PM Tyler Norton: why dont you ever talk to me
9:39:10 PM Tyler Norton: i mean, we talk
9:39:23 PM Tyler Norton: but when i try to say something real, that matters, you just never say anything
9:39:36 PM Tyler Norton: its always a witty comeback, or something semi unrelated
9:39:50 PM Tyler Norton: i understand your witty
9:39:57 PM Tyler Norton: but i just want to hear something
9:40:10 PM Tyler Norton: anything thats important
9:40:36 PM Westleigh: i dont know what you want to hear tyler
9:44:16 PM Tyler Norton: i dont know westleigh i just dont know how many more times i can be completely forthright and put it all out there and watch you not say anything. i have no idea how you feel, or what your thinking. i never do, and i dont even need you to just come out and say whatever, because i know its hard, and sometimes you dont even know.... i dont even know where im going with this, and i really probably should be saying this to someone else instead of you, but it wont matter if i say it to anyone else because the only one i want to talk to is you and i cant
9:46:03 PM Tyler Norton: and i should be saying "wow im really sorry i blurted that out." but im not because its all ive been thinking about
9:51:56 PM Westleigh: well im sorry i dont know..like theres nothing else i can say to you...i feel like i wanted to visit you and i did..but tyler your not here...and dont apologize for what you say
9:55:57 PM Westleigh: and i told you this before i left for school
9:56:01 PM Tyler Norton: i know you did
10:00:04 PM Tyler Norton: i just have trouble with the fact that were letting an hour train ride dictate this. and if its not that, i want to know. but from what i gather. it is. and i mean, there are literally 2 months where i cant make that trip, and they are the first two because of baseball. thats it. no, i cant be there for you every night, but i can be there more than i am now. i just need a reason to be making the trip instead of an excuse to be making it
10:02:06 PM Tyler Norton: and if you say its not going to happen, and the distance is too far, ill understand. and ill know its not because of lack of feelings.
10:02:29 PM Tyler Norton: i wont giv eup on you by anymeans but maybe i can let it stop eating me up inside thinking about it
10:04:07 PM Tyler Norton: i dont want this to come out how it is because it sounds mean
10:04:47 PM Tyler Norton: but i really dont mean it that way i just am fustrated at myself for being a 10 year old and keeping it inside instead of talking to you from the start about it
10:05:13 PM Westleigh: omg stop it..its not mean its what you wnat to say
10:05:35 PM Tyler Norton: ok
10:05:50 PM Tyler Norton: i wont say im sorry anymore
10:08:06 PM Tyler Norton: i just really really like you, and i dont want to see you go away and give up because i couldnt close the gap between the bean and the u
10:09:22 PM Westleigh: honestly i feel like yea it might be an hour train ride..but its a lot...your not here.
10:11:08 PM Tyler Norton: how often would you like me to be there
10:12:51 PM Westleigh: no see i dont want to have to plan it out..
10:17:48 PM Tyler Norton: yeah i dont either, but if its going to take me getting there weekly or every other week or whatever for me to get to be with you then ill do it. and if it means missing baseball every thursday to go to the u then i will, if it means taking fenway off a few more times that i otherwise would then i will. and when baseball stops you can bet your life on the fact that ill be there for you
10:19:01 PM Westleigh: no that would be unfair..and i wouldnt make you do that
10:20:10 PM Tyler Norton: you wouldnt make me, im telling you id do it in a heartbeat for you (also, maybe you can come visit every so often) and i know you would if i did.
10:25:19 PM Westleigh: i know we would see eachother..but it would be forced and planned out and like never when you really want to see the person
10:31:10 PM Tyler Norton: i dont know how to answer that. and i dont know what you want to do. but ultimately its up to you. it wont be perfect, but at least we'd get to be together. and if thats not enough then i guess i just cant give you what you need.
10:32:39 PM Tyler Norton: were home on long weekends together, were home on hollidays
10:32:47 PM Tyler Norton: but i cant move my school or yours
10:34:43 PM Tyler Norton: and for just about anything else in the world id say fuck it. quit and put every second of time i had into going to the u.... but i have about 10 times where i get to go out onto a baseball field and feel like im doing something that matters. and i cant give that up for anyone.
10:35:06 PM Westleigh: and i would never ask for that
10:35:23 PM Tyler Norton: all i can do is my best to be there as much as i can and see you as often as possible. and im here, ready to do that if you want it. but if you dont
10:35:28 PM Tyler Norton: i realize i cant do anything to change that
10:35:37 PM Tyler Norton: i just want to know
10:38:14 PM Westleigh: like in theory i could work..but i feel like in reality idk..and that idk is what you dont want and i dont want...i mean i dont know what to tell you and im not juust going to say what you want to hear..
10:41:01 PM Tyler Norton: so what do you want to do. just wait til winter break to see how good it could be then go back to school and be pissed that theres still a distance til the summer where we get to do it all again only to see us leave again? im not pressuring you one way or the other, i just dont understand how you can not be so mussed up inside when you go out every night at the U and come home to a few messages reminding you that im here and that i care about you
10:42:10 PM Tyler Norton: because every night i go out, and every time i go to sleep, your the first thing i think of. i wonder where you are, i wonder if your ok. and i hope that your happy. i cant stop it, and i wouldnt want to.
10:43:53 PM Westleigh: i guess im just closed off
10:44:13 PM Tyler Norton: what do you mean closed off
10:44:59 PM Westleigh: i just dont understand how you can not be so mussed up inside when you go out every night at the U and come home to a few messages reminding you that im here and that i care about you--idk..
10:50:43 PM Tyler Norton: well i know theres something here. and all i can say is, you know im here. if you decide you want to take a chance on me then you just let me know. but im not going to ask anymore, and im not going to get upset when i tell you something real and you act like your closed off. because i really cant anymore. i put myself out there.... a lot. and you have always been good to me. always made me feel comfortable. but until you decide to make the leap and put yourself out there, were just going to keep going in this in between state. and maybe thats where you want it. i dont know. but its where we are.
10:55:07 PM Westleigh: you have and i dont act. but tyler i feel like you wnat me to commit to something i just can do right now.
10:58:08 PM Tyler Norton: ok, well then im going to stop "taking the leap" and if you ever decide that you think you want to try and do this. you know ill be here
10:58:16 PM Tyler Norton: you dont have to commit to anything
10:58:45 PM Tyler Norton: i just needed to hear it from you instead of just watching you skirt the issue and give me nothing to go on.
10:59:01 PM Tyler Norton: and i still want to see you, and talk to you obviously
10:59:06 PM Tyler Norton: as much as i can
10:59:45 PM Tyler Norton: and i still want to be exactly how we are around each other
11:00:19 PM Tyler Norton: but im going to stop making you feel like i want you to commit to something you arent ready to do right now
11:00:46 PM Tyler Norton: and if your never ready, then i guess thats just how itll be. but if you are. you know all youd have to do is say so
11:02:23 PM Westleigh: yea but dont hold up life waiting tyler..thats not how it should be lived if it will happen then it will happen..but i wouldnt think of acting different
11:05:50 PM Tyler Norton: you can say dont hold up life waiting. but that isnt really in my control. its not like i make a point of thinking about you all the time. it just sort of happens.i dont think its how it should be lived either. im not going to hold up my life waiting. i promise, but dont be surprised if life happens to go by with nothing else happening. its not easy to go find someone when someones already got you wrapped around their finger.
11:08:16 PM Tyler Norton: and id never think of acting different either
11:08:40 PM Westleigh: wrapped around my finger..come on now..im not like that..haha
11:09:03 PM Tyler Norton: A you are completely like that. and B its not like i dont like it.
11:09:28 PM Tyler Norton: if i wanted out i could say so
11:09:33 PM Tyler Norton: and so could you
11:09:39 PM Tyler Norton: and you havent quite yet
11:09:47 PM Tyler Norton: which is the reason im still here
11:10:10 PM Tyler Norton: and its not like either of us are holding up life for the other, we both go out and have social lives
11:10:58 PM Tyler Norton: its just at the end of the night... i come home and go to sleep happy knowing that maybe your out there somewhere wishing i was there with you
11:11:25 PM Tyler Norton: its not like i have 100 girls knocking at my door
11:11:33 PM Tyler Norton: ....or any
11:11:50 PM Tyler Norton: i dont even know what im saying anymore
11:12:17 PM Tyler Norton: i hear what your saying
11:12:20 PM Tyler Norton: i understand
11:12:31 PM Tyler Norton: and im going to chill i promise
11:12:56 PM Tyler Norton: the feelings arent going anywhere, ill just try to not pour them all over you so it looks like pressureing
11:13:43 PM Tyler Norton: and if anything happens, one way or the other (you saying screw it and moving on to someone else, or deciding that maybe its worth a shot) im sure youll let me know
11:15:10 PM Westleigh: i'm sure i will..,but i just dont wnat it to be like oh she moved on and great i like wasted time waiting..
11:15:50 PM Tyler Norton: time spent waiting is not wasted. even if you never decide to give it a try
11:16:11 PM Tyler Norton: just do me a favor and dont have your mind already made up that your going to move on
11:16:15 PM Tyler Norton: thats all i ask
11:18:58 PM Westleigh: i dont..i just let things happen
11:21:20 PM Tyler Norton: before we go, can you just open up for one more minute and tell me how you felt on friday night.
11:21:38 PM Tyler Norton: i just want to hear one time then ill leave you alone about all this kind of stuff
11:28:46 PM Westleigh: friday night i was happy with the way things were
11:30:05 PM Westleigh: like i wouldnt have changed anything..well maybe a few things
11:30:16 PM Tyler Norton: like what would you have changed
11:31:17 PM Westleigh: like it was hot..you took up too mcuh room..you roommate walked in(but i really wouldnt change that becuase that was funny)
11:31:53 PM Tyler Norton: im a big guy, get used to it
11:31:57 PM Tyler Norton: that wont change
11:32:13 PM Tyler Norton: the rest can be handled
11:32:14 PM Tyler Norton: haha
11:33:52 PM Tyler Norton: and for the last time. i really am sorryi cant give you that every night, because lord knows i want to. and you deserve it.
11:35:55 PM Westleigh: see thats the problem
11:36:16 PM Tyler Norton: ... what is the problem
11:36:32 PM Westleigh: your not here
11:36:54 PM Tyler Norton: i know westleigh
11:37:27 PM Tyler Norton: i know
11:39:11 PM Tyler Norton: it just sucks
11:40:32 PM Westleigh: it does..but you enjoyed friday
11:41:08 PM Tyler Norton: yeah i did
11:41:29 PM Tyler Norton: and i think not seeing each other all the time is going to make nights like friday that much better and more passionate
11:45:00 PM Tyler Norton: so, in other news, ill probably ask you to visit onemore time befor ei start making my trips to the U because of baseball season
11:45:04 PM Tyler Norton: just so your aware
11:45:31 PM Westleigh: well i will see what i can do
11:45:44 PM Tyler Norton: i know youll do your best
11:47:00 PM Tyler Norton: i need to go now
11:47:02 PM Tyler Norton: but thank you
11:47:13 PM Westleigh: night
11:47:18 PM Tyler Norton: night westleigh

convo